"Debt ‘forgiveness’ has always struck me as the wrong phrase, because it conceives of the debt itself as a sin — when in fact, it is the opposite. The sins of the past are what have placed us in a position of wealth inequality: the sort whose spiraling effects can be traced to rising rates of maternity mortality, incarceration, infant mortality, and so much more.
Wealth does not create happiness. But in its practical form, the way we’ve been talking about it here — it facilitates it. It is a promise we hope to give to those we love most. The government does not love anyone. It does not care. But it has, historically, allowed different types of people to give that gift of wealth more freely. These initial cancellations do not tip the scales — not even close. But they begin the process of evening them."
~ Anne Helen Petersen, Culture Study
"We are capable of feeling good, throughout the day, with no cost to anyone else and yet we rob ourselves of these moments. We get so caught up in productivity, crossing one more thing off the to-do list, throwing in one more load of laundry, that we forget to stop and tend to ourselves. What, in this moment, could I do to make myself feel good? How could I make myself more comfortable?
This is anathema to our puritanical society. Feeling good? What good does that do? How is that productive? Well, it creates endorphins for one, which improves mood. But also, can’t we just seek pleasure for pleasure’s sake?
We’ve learned to shame women into indulging in pleasure via the concept of the “guilty pleasure.” Men don’t talk about guilty pleasures, do they? I think it is an entirely gendered concept. Men are entitled to pleasure; it is their birthright. Pleasure is something women are taught to be ashamed of, secretly pursue, but a good woman wouldn’t want, wouldn’t give in to temptation, wouldn’t do something simply for herself."
~ Cindy DiTiberio, The Mother Lode
Recent Musings…
Shanah Tovah!
I’ve been thinking with the turning of the Jewish new year (spoiler: our family is Jewish, I’m converting, and my children have attended a Jewish preschool), a lot about time, individual experience, and the totality of the universe (ya know, just those tiny things in life). 5783 just feels that much more substantial than 2023 (math…). At the same time, my children regularly wrestle with the ways in which death and birth cycle in their own small worlds — everything from a dead mole rat discovered on a hiking trail to a spider in our backyard whose web full of cocooned creatures we record daily (the collection of dead flies and mosquitoes the spider hides in the crook of a leaf is quite a stash).
My son has an exquisite eye for small creatures, regularly finding roly pollies along sidewalks where I would never see them. He insists we stop, that he examines the bugs, before returning them to their original spot. All of this, of course, takes time. Time we often “don’t have.” Time that is often “not on the schedule.”
“Was that yesterday or the other day that…?” He will ask of an event because in his three year old worldview, time is not pegged to a calendar but only to an experience, and his relationship to that experience (what feels long ago, far away, or large is all relative to someone who weighs 32 lbs, is still finessing full sentences, and can barely reach the kitchen counter).
All that’s to say that life with children, as you all know, is an incredible chance to reconvene with time, to reassess time’s hold, to witness “time” anew. I’m feeling particularly beholden to time as the Jewish preschool closes for high holidays in coming weeks and my “writing time” is non-existent, crammed into tonight’s 10pm session on my iPhone at the dining table, writing this recent musing with two thumbs (and I’m grateful for these thumbs; a friend recently sprained hers in a fall and learned just how precious our thumbs are) because “time” tells me I need to send a newsletter this week with updates on recent episodes lest I lose myself to “time,” which definitely happens “time” and again….
This evening, we joined hundreds of others to mark this day and time on Baker beach, in a Rosh Hashanah tashlich ceremony of casting away the past year’s sins and welcoming the challenges and hope of the new year to come. My son and I were chased by the tide as we held a feather he’d found and threw it into the waves, symbolizing this tossing away of that which doesn’t serve us anymore.
I’ve learned in Judaism that time itself is not the anchor but rituals grounded in time are. Experiencing that tonight, I felt connected to an overarching human desire to contain the ineffable. Watching that tide toss and turn and mostly belch right back to shore all the cast-off feathers, stones, pieces of bread, shells, was just a reminder of the sloshing, grinding, constancy of time, and also the beauty of the attempt, of standing within it and still tossing in our hats, as if we know any more than anyone who came to the same shores 5782 times before us…..
And, it’s now “time” to give needed podcast updates!
On the podcast…
We’ve had the pleasure of hosting some exciting guests on the Postpartum Production Podcast these past few weeks that I wouldn’t want you to miss out on.
MM De Voe, writer of internationally acclaimed speculative literary fiction and poetry, and founder of the literary nonprofit Pen Parentis joined me to talk about balancing parenthood and writing roles. Through Pen Parentis, MM channels her passion of finding that balance for others by building communities to help caregivers stay creative after having children. Join the conversation here.
Journeying seamlessly from writer to contemporary oil painter, we were joined by Erika Lee Sears, a self taught oil painter and full-time artist who makes an original piece of art every single day and shares her journey of this daily making online. In episode 10, Erika and I spoke about motherhood, art, and legacy, given the current political atmosphere and global challenges from climate change and war, to gun violence and attacks on women's rights. Have you ever thought of how the work you do will impact the world years from now? Well, if you’re questioning the value of that 'time' spent on your creative pursuits today, Erika’s thoughts on legacy will help re-affirm your worth as a caregiver and creative.
"When I think about my work in particular, I fall on creative journey. I really think about my creativity and what I want to be making and what ideas excite me. But I also think about: what are the daily moments that are around us? What are we capturing as creatives? As writers, we are historians of our time. We are dictating what is happening around us all the time. We are the people on the streets that are deciding what's going to be a moment in time. Our fingerprint on the world that's going to be left for later."
~ Erika Lee Sears
This week, I was be joined by writer, director, actor, and producer Nora Fiffer to explore postpartum and filmmaking.
Based in Chicago and New Hampshire, Nora co-founded Firelight Theater Workshop, dedicated to creating innovative theater experiences. She is currently working on her debut feature film, Another Happy Day, planned to release in 2023. Another Happy Day is a film centered on the postpartum experience — so our conversation inevitably talked about the ways in which postpartum, creativity, and productivity intersect.
Recommended Content
Substack Recommendations:
Wealth is the missing piece:
Divorced from Desire:
A word on color blindness:
https://substack.com/app-link/post?publication_id=20922&post_id=73050615&utm_source=email
The problem with parenting styles - by Sarah Wheeler:
Recommended Reads:
My recommended reading list is an assortment of articles, essays, poetry, fiction, and more that I’ve come across this month and found worthy of passing along. There is often no coherent strand between them except that all are thoughtful, compelling, inspiring, and made me pause in some meaningful way.
Amy Schumer’s Mom Com - A comic adapts her bawdy, bodily routines to marriage and parenthood: https://apple.news/AHdb9Qx0nQF-Dp76xDUbB6w
The Censorship Machine Erasing China’s Feminist Movement - The New Yorker: https://apple.news/AG4HFZjuoQReF-1zXhN26HA
Amra Brooks | Umbilical — KHÔRA: https://www.corporealkhora.com/issue/17/umbilical
The Real Insanity Exposed by ‘Gorilla Milk’: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/30/magazine/gorilla-milk-motherhood.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articles
After Nothing Is Left, the Leaves: https://ecotonemagazine.org/nonfiction/after-nothing-is-left-the-leaves/
What the Colorado River Water Shortage Means for the U.S. — ProPublica: https://www.propublica.org/article/colorado-river-water-shortage-jay-famiglietti
Karen O Has Found a More Joyful Kind of Wildness —The New Yorker: https://apple.news/ADrYyeO12Tvaj3H_8MO_z3g
Elissa Curtis | In or Out by Air: The Inuit of Nunavut — The New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/photo-booth/in-or-out-by-air-the-inuit-of-nunavut
Writing Prompt
Write a moment you felt like time, as in the cliche, “stood still”. Write it from the perspective of time.
*Rilke block quote from: https://rebekahlowin.com/rosh-hashanah-quotes/